L.A. Affairs: I finally found love and joy at 74. Then the pandemic happened
2 years, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I finally found love and joy at 74. Then the pandemic happened

LA Times  

I met Ruben in 2012 in a yoga class on Larchmont Boulevard for people with HIV. I figured I’d visit him in Mexico whenever I could, and we’d enjoy whatever time we could spend together. After two weeks, I could see how impoverished his life had become as a blind man with HIV, bereft of his friends, as well as of his artistic, his sight-impaired and his gay communities. When we first entered our hotel room, I oriented him to its layout — our bed, the other bed we could spread our clothes on, the armoire, the bathroom entrance two steps from the foot of the bed. His sister called me at 12:30 p.m. on Wednesday to say Juan José — Ruben — had closed his eyes for a nap, and died.

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History of this topic

L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?
5 days, 1 hour ago

L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?

LA Times  

We met at a boba shop on Santa Monica Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue perfectly situated between our apartments in the lively heart of West Hollywood. I wore light-wash jeans with rips at the knees and a purple North Face long-sleeve that read “Save the Polar Bears.” My beige jacket was fluffy and felt excessive for an L.A. winter. “I just …

L.A. Affairs: We found a love we weren’t supposed to. Would we last forever?
2 weeks, 5 days ago

L.A. Affairs: We found a love we weren’t supposed to. Would we last forever?

LA Times  

“Wait, you dated her? She’s basically royalty,” said an old schoolmate of my first love when we realized our mutual connection. I’d never met a Muslim person before coming to college, and here I was, walking into the mosque in my skinny jeans with a tiny silver cross hanging around my neck. Her family’s prominence in her home country, the …

L.A. Affairs: He was a perfect gentleman. Homeowner. Father. Film producer ... and ex-con?
1 month, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: He was a perfect gentleman. Homeowner. Father. Film producer ... and ex-con?

LA Times  

If you had asked me to go on a date with someone who was barely out of prison, my answer would be an immediate no. He sneaked in “I’m not a good person” so innocuously that the old me would have overlooked it. He even said during dinner something like, “I’m feeling like we’ve got a collaborating-on-work vibe more than …

L.A. Affairs: We’re young and in love. Could our relationship go the distance?
1 month, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: We’re young and in love. Could our relationship go the distance?

LA Times  

Long Beach is not Los Angeles. The hometown of both Snoop Dogg and Billie Jean King — a set of Long Beach Polytechnic High graduates with pretty disparate skill sets — is culturally its own. As such, growing up in the LBC meant trips into Los Angeles were an occasion, the kind of pack-the-car event that is normally associated with …

L.A. Affairs: I met a stranger at the airport. And yes, I was having feelings for him
2 months, 4 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I met a stranger at the airport. And yes, I was having feelings for him

LA Times  

My brother dropped me off curbside at Los Angeles International Airport and yelled, “Run!” Our timing getting to LAX was thwarted by the kind of notorious L.A. traffic that airline change fees and crushed dreams are made of. Without missing a beat, she shot back: “Good, because you’re very handsome.” We said goodbye in a flurry. Flying over Tulsa, Okla. …

L.A. Affairs: I went to the ER after a fall. But I might have left with a boyfriend
3 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I went to the ER after a fall. But I might have left with a boyfriend

LA Times  

I am an 81-year-old widow with shaky balance. “When was the last time you had a drink?” “Last night I went out with my buddies and had a few beers.” So, he’s single! The last thing I said to her was, “Why should I?” “Because you never know.” “Not doing it,” I said loudly, hoping the subject would finally be …

L.A. Affairs: At 77, I had a crush on my best friend’s widower. Did he feel the same way?
4 months, 4 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: At 77, I had a crush on my best friend’s widower. Did he feel the same way?

LA Times  

At 77, I had given up. After two failed marriages and years of unsuccessful dating, I accepted what seemed to be my fate: single for almost 40 years and single for however many remained. After she died, Ty and I stayed in touch sporadically: a surprise sharing of his second granddaughter a year after we scattered my friend’s ashes, an …

L.A. Affairs: I discovered my dad’s secret children. It changed us forever
6 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I discovered my dad’s secret children. It changed us forever

LA Times  

We all have a past — little ghosts of heartache and regret that can haunt us forever. Lifestyle L.A. Affairs submission guidelines L.A. Affairs is a first-person column in the Los Angeles Times chronicling romance and relationships. As I became an adult and started to make my own mistakes — as I started to understand the weight a person’s decisions …

L.A. Affairs: We dated for 3 months before moving in together. Were we asking for trouble?
6 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: We dated for 3 months before moving in together. Were we asking for trouble?

LA Times  

Reeling from an unrequited relationship with a bartender-actor and tired of being a broke substitute teacher-actor, I decided to take a full-time teaching job in Pacoima. I once joked early in our relationship: “Wow, you’re mature, kind, responsible and loving, so you must not be the one for me!” I wasn’t used to being treated with respect and kindness, and …

L.A. Affairs: I found love in a truly hopeless place. Yes, the office
7 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I found love in a truly hopeless place. Yes, the office

LA Times  

Heartbroken after a breakup that was long overdue, crushed by a stalled entertainment industry and depressed by my temporary day job at a dementia center, I grasped at any semblance of stability. Months of hopeful waiting ended with a curt dismissal: “We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.” I was bitter, and my mind was overflowing with imagined shortcomings …

L.A. Affairs: I was new to Los Angeles. Was driving 70 miles for love worth it?
8 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was new to Los Angeles. Was driving 70 miles for love worth it?

LA Times  

I begrudgingly met my husband. Driving two hours south through L.A., traffic pending, to visit a rowdy house of people I didn’t know did not sound desirable, especially when I had so much of California to explore. I am not one to believe in love at first sight but I remember the large wood panel door swinging open that first …

L.A. Affairs: I was mourning. He was charming. Would romance help me heal?
10 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I was mourning. He was charming. Would romance help me heal?

LA Times  

In December 2022, I was at Zara in the Glendale Galleria, helping my sister find a coat suitable for a funeral, when he first messaged. “But if you want to talk to someone removed from it, I’m happy to.” I was taken with his kind response to my overshare, and we established a long-distance rapport. “You looked like you saw …

L.A. Affairs: I ran into three of my exes. Was the universe trying to tell me something?
10 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I ran into three of my exes. Was the universe trying to tell me something?

LA Times  

I’d venture to guess that if we were to survey under-40 Angelenos on their religious beliefs, astrology probably would come out on top. Yet within a year, the relationship had imploded, and our last date featured me crying to Bradley Cooper’s suicide in “A Star Is Born” while Harrison shot me pathetic glances, preparing for our scheduled breakup that Sunday. …

L.A. Affairs: I met my dream man. The only problem? He wasn’t my husband
10 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I met my dream man. The only problem? He wasn’t my husband

LA Times  

I had been married for six weeks the night I met Anthony. Outside on the tiny patio, Anthony scooted in next to me with the bottles of Two-Buck Chuck we’d brought with us. My husband and I signed divorce papers nine months after we had said, “I do.” That summer Anthony called to say he’d been diagnosed with colon cancer. …

L.A. Affairs: I said, ‘I love you.’ She quickly replied, ‘As a friend, right?’
10 months, 4 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I said, ‘I love you.’ She quickly replied, ‘As a friend, right?’

LA Times  

My eyes scanned the crowd in the arrivals area of Terminal 5 at Los Angeles International Airport. Two years prior, on Jan. 17, 1994, the Northridge earthquake shook her parents’ Porter Ranch home violently, waking her and her family from their slumber. After a year of our digital friendship, I sat 3,000 miles away in my bedroom, but one night, …

L.A. Affairs: I was absolutely attracted to him. Then he body-shamed me
1 year ago

L.A. Affairs: I was absolutely attracted to him. Then he body-shamed me

LA Times  

The night I met Buff Ben, I was coming from a Hinge date. “No, I hated it!” Ben smiled ruefully as he recounted his loneliness there: the time he had crushed openly on a fellow actor in a play before turning bitter when his advances were spurned. “I only date fit guys,” he said, as though this were so obvious …

L.A. Affairs: My mentor quietly quit me. Was the problem with my new guy or me?
1 year ago

L.A. Affairs: My mentor quietly quit me. Was the problem with my new guy or me?

LA Times  

“I love your work. I felt I was writing one of the artist’s characters in real time. “A miracle!” the artist said, picking me up from LAX. “I even have someone to set you up with,” she said, showing me a photo of a tall man at one of her events. I can’t right now,” she said, describing mourning over …

L.A. Affairs: My date with a genius became a lecture series with no escape in sight
1 year, 2 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My date with a genius became a lecture series with no escape in sight

LA Times  

Every Sunday I read this column religiously because it feeds my hope that at 65, I, too, still have a chance at finding love again. Like in Foreigner’s song “I Want to Know What Love Is,” I keep climbing that mountain, not just for love but for a love better than I’ve ever had, including a long, difficult marriage. A …

L.A. Affairs: I was a lonely widow for so many years. How could I find love again?
1 year, 2 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was a lonely widow for so many years. How could I find love again?

LA Times  

As a widow for nearly four years, I was hoping to answer the question “Can I find love again?” with a yes. After about a year, I joined an online community called Stitch in the hope that I would make new friends and connect with other people who had lost a partner. We also had a memorable New Year’s Eve …

L.A. Affairs: He lied to me over and over. I went back to him anyway
1 year, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He lied to me over and over. I went back to him anyway

LA Times  

We met for drinks in downtown Los Angeles. “Take all the time you need, Mell, but I know, without a doubt, that I love you.” So commenced our initial two-year romance. “Because he thinks I’m a gigolo.” Cue screeching brakes. Didn’t you say you were a writer, a voice-over actor, a comedian, a hotel bellman?” My intuition had been telling …

L.A. Affairs: I finally met a good guy but then I was diagnosed with cancer. What now?
1 year, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I finally met a good guy but then I was diagnosed with cancer. What now?

LA Times  

I had been unlucky in love. I see food and I eat it.” When he hears someone speaking Spanish, he says, “My Spanish stops at taco, burrito and enchilada.” There used to be an Orange County shopping complex called the Block, and whenever Rick had out-of-town company, he would ask them if they’d like to take a walk around the …

L.A. Affairs: I was focused on work. I didn’t realize he was flirting with me
1 year, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was focused on work. I didn’t realize he was flirting with me

LA Times  

When you’ve been in the bookstore business long enough, there are times when you start to think everybody’s got an angle. Maybe it’s just an L.A. thing, but it seemed that every time I stopped at a stoplight those days, some enterprising do-gooder would lean over from the next car with a crumpled card reading “We Fix Dents.” I didn’t …

L.A. Affairs: He changed my mind about love. I changed his about L.A.
1 year, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He changed my mind about love. I changed his about L.A.

LA Times  

My divorce papers were signed, and I had just graduated from seven years of a grueling general surgery residency in New York City. My soon-to-be ex-husband helped me find an all-women surf and yoga camp in beautiful Costa Rica en route to L.A. Luckily, my ex and I were amicable enough, and he reminded me that I had always wanted …

L.A. Affairs: He treated me how I wished I could treat myself
1 year, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He treated me how I wished I could treat myself

LA Times  

I met Justin under dinosaur bones. As we weaved through gleaming stones in the Gem and Mineral Hall, I learned Justin had an identical twin brother, that he’s friends with his parents and that he felt called to help people. As we meandered outside the museum, the reinvigorating night air whispering to me that Justin and I were alive at …

L.A. Affairs: I fell for a bad-boy chef. Then the recipe soured
1 year, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I fell for a bad-boy chef. Then the recipe soured

LA Times  

“Why are you crying?” my husband asked me. I had just finished watching “The Bear,” the Hulu show that undoubtedly resonates with chefs but simultaneously must pain the women who love or loved them. “The smartest thing I could do would be to marry you.” Those were often his parting words as we drifted off to sleep together. Then one …

L.A. Affairs: I was too happy and in love to notice the red flags
1 year, 9 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was too happy and in love to notice the red flags

LA Times  

I landed in Los Angeles with my 10- and 12-year-old daughters in December 2013. We met during a last-minute visit to go see Simon, my old friend and first agent, who lived near Montana Avenue in Santa Monica. We would host dinners together in Adriano’s condo in Santa Monica and we’d also take the girls to the California Science Center, …

L.A. Affairs: 14 people who made big moves for love. But the risks didn’t always pay off
1 year, 10 months ago

L.A. Affairs: 14 people who made big moves for love. But the risks didn’t always pay off

LA Times  

It’s Valentine’s Day, and what better way to celebrate than to read some heartfelt tales of people who threw caution to the wind to pursue a love affair in Los Angeles? To make sure you get your fill of love stories today, we’ve included an essay about a couple who met as teenagers before their love story was revived decades …

L.A. Affairs: I have a thing for writing tender messages to unavailable men
1 year, 10 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I have a thing for writing tender messages to unavailable men

LA Times  

I slipped the card into Rick’s suitcase. His life was “too complicated.” Writing cards felt vital to my communication of love, almost like an itch I had to scratch. “I am at Ralphs buying cat litter,” I said. During the pandemic, I sat on the beach in Santa Monica and wrote letters to myself and God and often sat in …

L.A. Affairs: I wasn’t looking for love. What I was after was a green card
1 year, 11 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I wasn’t looking for love. What I was after was a green card

LA Times  

I came to Los Angeles as a foreign student from Germany to study acting, and I wanted to stay a little longer to dodge bad weather at home and add acting credits to my résumé. I began interviewing eligible men in the clubs on Sunset Boulevard or in Venice Beach, and the offers ranged from “Pay me $5,000 and I’ll …

L.A. Affairs: My relationship status dramatically changed while I was on a pilgrimage
1 year, 11 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My relationship status dramatically changed while I was on a pilgrimage

LA Times  

My wife Kathy died in 2018 on my birthday, March 24, from breast cancer. Fulfilling a long-held dream with Mary’s help, on Sept. 1 I began the Camino de Santiago in Spain, a 500-mile walk from the French border to Santiago de Compostela in northwest Spain. I came home one day in a torrential L.A. downpour and found at my …

L.A. Affairs: There was a big problem in our relationship. He lived in Nashville
2 years, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: There was a big problem in our relationship. He lived in Nashville

LA Times  

Chad’s profile picture on Tinder was a black-and-white photo of him singing into a mic with a fedora on his head. A line read, “All those wasted years I thought were overdue / were leading me to you.” That Christmas, Chad drove me to his family’s home in Delaware. He held my hand and said, “It would be cool if …

L.A. Affairs: I wanted romance. He made me feel weird about sex. Here’s what happened
2 years, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I wanted romance. He made me feel weird about sex. Here’s what happened

LA Times  

When I moved to L.A. to change my life, Jon Hamm was on my mind. I started out as a woman who didn’t know what it meant when someone asked, “Are you in the industry?” “What industry?” I’d reply. We had a phone call, and not only did he ask me about the classes that I’d taught back in Ithaca …

L.A. Affairs: I went on dates with L.A. losers. Could an Orange County man bring me joy?
2 years, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I went on dates with L.A. losers. Could an Orange County man bring me joy?

LA Times  

I was meeting my date at the Four Seasons Hotel in Westlake Village. Dating in L.A. came with a warning label of “do not enter” and “beware.” At first I thought, “It can’t be that bad.” My marriage had ended just like every cliched L.A. love story, with my ex running off with his assistant. When I told them that …

L.A. Affairs: I met the perfect guy. Then I learned that he lived in the Valley
2 years, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I met the perfect guy. Then I learned that he lived in the Valley

LA Times  

When I was 45, I decided it was time to try online dating again. None of my previous relationships had worked out, but I still hadn’t given up on finding “the right one.” If I was going to meet this right one, it wouldn’t happen because he showed up at my door — not with the gated entrance at my …

L.A. Affairs: Her firecracker wit was the reason for the fireworks before the fireworks
2 years, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: Her firecracker wit was the reason for the fireworks before the fireworks

LA Times  

I met my wife at a Fourth of July party held on the third of July. You’re the copy chief at Doyle Dane Bernbach.” “And who are you?” I asked. She also told me about attending a two-hour meeting to decide if a hair-coloring product produced “believable” or “unbelievable” hair. To which she said, “Who asked you?” Two years later, …

L.A. Affairs: My boyfriend was planning to visit me. Then I discovered his big secret
2 years, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My boyfriend was planning to visit me. Then I discovered his big secret

LA Times  

When my grandmother died five years ago, my mom asked my oldest brother, Marc, to invite his friend to the wake. She had also made it a couple months before when she mailed my maltipoo, Benedict, a turquoise handkerchief with a message in white font: “My mom is single.” She knew my status. Once, when I knew he was about …

L.A. Affairs: After a few failed relationships, was this one for real?
2 years, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: After a few failed relationships, was this one for real?

LA Times  

Dear Alvaro, I met you two weeks after my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer in the summer of 2021. While at the Monterey Park Hospital, knowing more about my dad’s prognosis and trying my best to hide my tears, I found solace in the dating apps. Nevertheless, I enjoyed all our outings: those hours we spent exploring …

L.A. Affairs: It felt like a date — but was it?
2 years, 8 months ago

L.A. Affairs: It felt like a date — but was it?

LA Times  

I was 54 years old, divorced for 12 years and happily alone. My response to my friends’ suggestions was: I wanted that special someone to come to my door — to appear magically! Then come the walks on your break — maybe to Little Tokyo or Grand Central Market — arms slightly touching, and there’s coffee at the corner of …

L.A. Affairs: My dating sidekick is a baby. It’s a problem
2 years, 8 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My dating sidekick is a baby. It’s a problem

LA Times  

Erica and I are waiting for coffees in front of All Time’s sidewalk service counter, Jack in his stroller between us. I would like her to know that I am Jack’s father’s friend, who was figuring things out when the COVID-19 pandemic arrived and now lives in the guest house while he finishes grad school. When I asked her if …

L.A. Affairs: How I got a second chance at love
2 years, 9 months ago

L.A. Affairs: How I got a second chance at love

LA Times  

In the year after my husband’s death from a massive heart attack, I functioned, but only barely. “I didn’t have that problem,” he said, “When I divorced, my wife got the house and I got the books.” Ah, I thought. I was wearing one of my favorites, a chic Italian knit sheath, and he said to me, “That’s a very …

L.A. Affairs: We broke up as teens. It took us 35 years to get back together
2 years, 10 months ago

L.A. Affairs: We broke up as teens. It took us 35 years to get back together

LA Times  

The first time Ronnie skated by me, I noticed her smile. When picking Ronnie up for a date, I remember sitting in her mother’s living room in Montebello, forced to listen to the “Grease” soundtrack blaring from Ronnie’s bedroom while I waited. Ronnie began joining me at my mother’s home in Monterey Park. Ronnie began helping me keep track of …

L.A. Affairs: All the things I wish I’d said to you
3 years, 1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: All the things I wish I’d said to you

LA Times  

It’s your last night in Los Angeles. You remind me your new boss is a long shot to win and say that maybe you’ll be back in L.A. before I know it. I tell you it supposedly takes two years to feel at home in Los Angeles and that you’ve only known me for a few months so you can’t …

L.A. Affairs: On our third date, I dropped a potential deal-breaker. I’m bipolar
3 years, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: On our third date, I dropped a potential deal-breaker. I’m bipolar

LA Times  

By the time I turned 49, I hadn’t dated in 10 years. Santa Barbara has its benefits, like the ocean and mountains, but I’ve found that the pickings are slim in this dating pond. I’m a visual person, so when I saw Brian’s photos, I was stopped in my tracks — but not in a Cinderella meets her prince courtesy …

L.A. Affairs: This is why I stood him up on our very first date
3 years, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: This is why I stood him up on our very first date

LA Times  

The bartender came over to take my order after I had been waiting and waiting for my date. His response: “No.” Lifestyle Here are 10 of the best L.A. Affairs columns of all time We collected some of our favorite L.A. Affairs columns — which run weekly in the Los Angeles Times, and chronicle the ups and downs of dating …

A summer to remember: Our favorite summertime reads from L.A. Affairs
3 years, 3 months ago

A summer to remember: Our favorite summertime reads from L.A. Affairs

LA Times  

As summer comes to its unofficial end with Labor Day, we’re hanging on for as long as we can. We scoured the L.A. Affairs archives and came up with 13 stories that are sure to make you laugh, cry, roll your eyes and even sigh at the roller-coaster ride that is known as the search for love in L.A. One …

L.A. Affairs: The secret to ending my lonely nights? I’ve started dating couples
3 years, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: The secret to ending my lonely nights? I’ve started dating couples

LA Times  

I’m not normally the kind of guy who brags, but for the record, I have now aced this whole dating business. I’ve done this any number of times — with my publishing mogul friends Paddy and Scott, theater impresarios Alan and Ronda, and my comedy writing pals Andy and Michele. They’re desperate for new company, for someone who hasn’t heard …

L.A. Affairs: What might have happened if we’d gotten that drink?
3 years, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: What might have happened if we’d gotten that drink?

LA Times  

I was visiting a friend in New Zealand in 2019 when I had an extra travel day. Whether you’re looking for ocean views or desert landscapes or soaring mountain peaks, Los Angeles offers miles upon miles of strikingly different trails. Lifestyle Here are 10 of the best L.A. Affairs columns of all time We collected some of our favorite L.A. …

L.A. Affairs: They’re young and in love. And they each have a secret
3 years, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: They’re young and in love. And they each have a secret

LA Times  

We were both hiding a part of ourselves from the other. Lifestyle L.A. Affairs: 14 perfect stories for Valentine’s Day We’ve curated 14 of our favorite stories about love, culled from the archives of L.A. Affairs, the column dedicated to the ups and downs of the search for love in Southern California. Each time Leo would drive down to Los …

L.A. Affairs: The sheer exhaustion of dating as a single mom
3 years, 7 months ago

L.A. Affairs: The sheer exhaustion of dating as a single mom

LA Times  

We love each other but we can’t stay married because he is a person with alcoholicism who won’t acknowledge his problem. Yet over the next seven years I’ll share my bed with a series of highly unavailable people: a funny and handsome podcast producer who announces within the first moments of our meeting that he’ll never marry or live with …

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