I Want to Raise My Kids With Traditions From My Culture. But My Husband Hates Hearing About ‘My Brown Side.”

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. As a kid, I had to deal with brown kids telling me I “wasn’t really ” and didn’t have a claim to my heritage because I was “only half.” I actually feel like a large part of who I am was shaped by my mom’s culture, as she was the primary child-rearing parent, and I am proud to identify as a Southeast Asian woman despite looking a lot more white than brown. Your husband doesn’t seem to view you as an Asian person or someone of mixed heritage; it sounds like he thinks of you as white and would prefer that you didn’t challenge that assessment. Dear Care and Feeding, I quietly hate my husband’s sister “Molly.” I work hard to always be polite to her, but that’s where it ends. Having this woman in your house indefinitely sounds like it would make you miserable, and you don’t know how long it might take someone who doesn’t currently work to get on their feet.