You Might Be 'Floodlighting' On Dates And Not Even Realize It

Westend61 via Getty Images Remember: Those early dates should be fun, not a therapy session. A lot of times we share too much information as a way to protect us from vulnerability,” Brown wrote in her 2012 book, “The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage.” Floodlighting keeps people out: If your overshare is met with an elongated pause or your date seems genuinely weirded out by what you’ve told them, you get confirmation that you’re just Too Much for them. “Vulnerability is healthy, floodlighting isn’t,” said Brandon Gescheidle-Fein, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “Take risks and share things about yourself while balancing that with active listening and paying attention to the other person’s cues and response.” Authentic Images via Getty Images “Just as you want to ensure a partner’s emotional intelligence, you can’t forget to prioritize a sense of playfulness and enjoyment,” Gescheidle-Fein said. “I bring in other aspects of vulnerability, like letting someone know when I’m thinking about them, showing interest, and making time for someone I value and want to get to know,” he said.