How To Confront Someone When You Hate Confrontation

We Are via Getty Images Tackle your fear of tough conversations and learn how to start speaking up. “We often picture a confrontation to include many factors that are distasteful to a lot of us: anger or hostility, thinking on our feet, the possibility of getting railroaded, potential rejection, or the worry we won’t be able to control our emotions — that we’ll burst into tears or make a fool of ourselves,” said Boston University clinical psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, author of “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety.” “If we’re not good at advocating for ourselves, we were taught not to be a bother or a burden, or we’re allergic to strong emotion, confrontation is bound to feel aversive.” When we avoid tough conversations, we get some temporary relief from our anxiety. “Confrontation doesn’t have to be a spittle-flecked screaming match that ends with estrangement,” Hendriksen said. Instead of writing something vague like, “I wish my roommate was more considerate,” you might say, “I wish my roommate would give me a heads-up before inviting people over to the apartment.” “Just start listing everything you can think of when it comes to what’s upsetting you,” clinical psychologist Nick Wignall wrote in a blog post. “Of course, you don’t want to take this too far and start apologizing for things you haven’t done or simply making things up just to make the other person feel better,” Wignall wrote.