The Most Satisfying Way to Kill a Spotted Lanternfly

Amid the recent dystopian news cycles, there is one story that, though also dystopian, has fascinated and even delighted Americans: The arrival of the spotted lanternfly, an invasive species native to China that was first detected in the United States in Pennsylvania in 2014. That’s why the spotted lanternfly invasion presented such a unique opportunity: It was a chance to do something useful that we could also enjoy! To illustrate what a singular moment this is, let’s do a close reading of the statement from the NYC Parks Department: “Harming our city’s wildlife is prohibited, but in an effort to slow the spread of this troublesome species, we are putting out a one-time call: if you see a spotted lanternfly, please squish and dispose of this invasive pest.” Taking it line-by-line, the statement starts with the expected: don’t harm wildlife. Navigating New York City streets in the midst of yet another heatwave is not a pleasant activity; at the end of the day, when I’m sweaty and irritated coming home from work, nothing feels as good as catching sight of that orangey-red wing, feeling the thrill of the chase start to pump through me, and channeling some righteous rage with a satisfying clomp. Still, we are constantly faced with our individual inefficiency when it comes to the environment, and there’s something to be said for doing what feels good.