How to handle the adult bully in your life

CNN — Most of us behave like a jerk at times. “Bad behavior is actually more contagious than good behavior,” said Robert Sutton, author of “The A–hole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt.” “So if you walk into a situation where there’s a bunch of disrespect, it’s hard not to catch that behavior,” said Sutton, a professor of management science at the Stanford University School of Engineering. What does define a person as a true bully, Sutton says, is if they regularly make you feel “oppressed, humiliated, de-energized or belittled.” The brutish actions that often lead to those feelings, Sutton said, include personal insults, teasing jokes, threats, public shaming, rude interruptions, invasion of personal space or uninvited personal contact. “There’s this saying: Some people want to feel tall by cutting off the heads of others,” said Ni. “And if you know the person came from a traumatic family environment, showing some empathy and understanding in no way excuses the bullying behavior, but it reduces the intimidation factor.” When you stop thinking of the bully as a scary person, you stop reacting in a flight-or-fight manner, Ni said, and can be wiser in devising assertive ways of handling the situation.