We've All Been Told To Forgive — But Here's When You Shouldn't

LordHenriVoton via Getty Images The concept of forgiveness is often framed by a fascinating spirituality-based narrative that advises us we should always do it, no matter what the circumstances. Boykin broke down everything that we — Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, the co-hosts of HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast — wanted to know about what authentic forgiveness looks like, how to have empathy for yourself and others, and when it’s actually not useful to forgive someone. “I would also imagine then you’re gonna tell us that if you have someone who, you know, your homophobic uncle who does come around and does change the way that they think and is able to make that change ― that in that instance, that seems like a good time to maybe forgive someone,” Michelson said. You might decide, like: You know what, I really respect that he’s come around, that he’s done the work and is apologetic and remorseful for some of the things that he did,” Boykin said. And so I can forgive that version of him, or I can learn to accept that he’s grown from that place, and also, that doesn’t necessarily change my boundaries about how we spend time together.” Hearing this felt incredibly liberating, especially because so many of us have received the message that indiscriminately forgiving someone will always set us free, no matter what they may have done.