Brace yourselves for the return of the kids’ party

I had forgotten about children’s parties. There were no party bag politics, no throwaway themed theatrics, no plastic sequins, or microplastic glitter or balloons or plastic banners, tablecloths or cutlery, or plastic-covered paper plates full of individually plastic-wrapped snacks. I do concede that the final handout is the perfect and very useful “party’s over kids, the grown-ups need a break, preferably alone in a dark room with a gin” signal. Such is the absurd pressure of the 21st century kids’ party that there would be uncomfortable comments in the playground and sulking on the stairs if we attempted an annual replay of the slightly feral undergrowth-based affair. We braced for the conversations with overtired kids about whether they really wanted to take that plastic tiara home because don’t forget we don’t use plastic in our house.