I’m unable to breastfeed my baby – and the guilt is overwhelming

Sign up to our free Living Well email for advice on living a happier, healthier and longer life Live your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletter Live your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletter SIGN UP I would like to be emailed about offers, events and updates from The Independent. On the way home, I called a lactation consultant, who advised that I put the baby to my breast and let her latch before giving her the bottle, “so as to avoid her becoming too used to the bottle and not wanting to be on boob at all.” open image in gallery Only 13 per cent of mothers manage to breast-feed exclusively for the first six months of their baby’s life For weeks, even once minimal amounts of milk had begun to come through, every time I knew we were approaching a feed I’d feel a deep sense of unease and anxiety. Two months in, after several visits from the lactation consultant, hours upon hours hooked up to a medical-grade breast pump and enough tears to fill several bathtubs, my husband said to me softly: “I think we just need to accept that she’s a formula-fed baby and that’s fine.” And the rational part of me knew that. “I’d often end up with painful, tender patches because of how hard I’d been kneading the breast tissue, but I just didn’t know what else to do.” After two months, she moved to formula. “I just assumed you put the baby on your nipple and away you go, and because of my lack of knowledge I still blame myself.” But Crystal Miles, a doula, breastfeeding expert, mum/baby bonding specialist and founder of Connected Babies, has a reassuring response: “Though there are a number of medical reasons why someone might not be able to breastfeed, the most common reason women are unable to do so is that they haven’t received adequate or early enough support.” open image in gallery ‘Without formula my baby wouldn’t be the happy, healthy 14-month-old she is today, and for that, I am truly grateful’ “It’s useful to hold with you that women do not fail at breastfeeding, but that women are failed with breastfeeding support,” she continues.