Knowing your conflict style can help you have better arguments

I've been arguing with my partner about our cat and I'm so exasperated I want to explode. "Secure attachment means that you've learnt from your experience that turning to others is a good idea, it makes you feel better, it helps you regulate your inner world," she says. "We're built to seek closeness and want it, but at the same time if you've learnt that closeness is dangerous, that you could get hurt, you have this awful push-pull dilemma," Dr Rosoman says. Dr Rosoman says it's important to remember that no-one is "right or wrong" with their attachment style. "Even if you're both volatiles, you'll have some pretty volatile arguments, but because you're matched in that style, you understand that style and the arguments don't end up being hurtful or harmful," she says.