“Is There a Right Way to Forgive?” Lessons From One Prison Classroom

This story is published in partnership with Open Campus, a nonprofit newsroom focused on higher education. “People often think that it would be a betrayal of their brother, their mother, their son if they allowed themselves to forgive.” Discola studies forgiveness among individuals who lost loved ones to homicide. Some people never forgive their perpetrators and continue to harbor anger or a desire for revenge, a concept Discola calls “unforgiveness.” For others, it might mean letting go of negative emotions like hatred but still wanting to see someone held accountable—that is, a kind of “forgive but don’t forget.” Still others might eventually get to a place where they can even extend empathy and goodwill toward someone who caused them harm. “My victims said that they forgive me yet they still don’t want to see me free,” Montoya said. “It’s almost like it gave these students hope that their victims can still find healing and still find forgiveness, even though they want them to stay in prison,” Discola said.