What We Get Wrong About Death, According To End-Of-Life Workers

Illustration: Chris McGoniga/HuffPost; Photo: Getty Images Palliative and hospice care physicians, nurses and social workers discuss the biggest misunderstandings they see. “And when the family starts to try to force them or coerce them into eating just by, ‘Come on, just have a bite just to eat something,’ it just sets up so much stress between the family and the person.” Similarly, families often worry that the use of morphine and other opiates will hasten the death of loved ones, according to Frances Eichholz-Heller, a senior social worker for the palliative care consult service at NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center. “Some people will say to me, ‘Well, we had an uncle who was in the hospital dying, and then as soon as they put the morphine on, he died really quickly,’” Eichholz-Heller said. But “it’s as important that you, number one, identify a person you trust — or two or three — that can honor your wishes,” Sethi said, “and have the conversations ahead of time, before you’re in the state where you can’t communicate your needs and wishes.” Some hospice workers recommended Five Wishes, an advance care planning program, as one way to get clarity on how you want things to go. In our conversations, hospice and palliative care providers suggested that it’s helpful to keep an open mind about death — leaving space for it to be “both and,” as Morgan told me.