Flirting with others to make your partner jealous? Beware, it backfires horribly: Study

When outsiders flirt with your partner while you both are in a committed relationship, you might think that it may make your partner more desirable to you because of the increased jealousy. Co-author Harry Reis said, “The problem is, once we have established a relationship, we become concerned about something called mate poaching—the idea that a competitor might lure our partner away.” The emotional disconnect is an attempt to safeguard their self-esteem and protect them from getting emotionally hurt if the fears actually materialise. Positive tactics include actions like giving gifts and spending quality time together, while negative tactics may involve trying to control a partner's time. Lead author Gurit Birnbaum said, “When a partner’s likelihood of being attracted to someone else is perceived as high, such as when they receive attention from others, people tend to abandon the positive tactics. These defensive distancing responses, says Birnbaum, are designed to avoid a potential blow to one’s self-esteem from rejection rather than risk further attachment to a partner whose commitment could be compromised by rival suitors.” Co-author Harry Reis advised, “Don’t flirt with others if you want your partner to be happy with you.” The unsolicited flirting plants seeds of abandonment in their head, but when the partner reciprocates the rival’s flirting, the relationship is catastrophically jeopardized.