QUENTIN LETTS: We had disbelief! Infamy! Jowls wobbled, eyeballs bulged as if it were the constipation Olympics

Moments after touching tributes to Alex Salmond the Commons heard an urgent question about sleaze in Downing Street. Free tickets to concerts by the same artiste were palmed to various ministers, including our leading moraliser Sir Keir Starmer. Free tickets to concerts by the same artiste were palmed to various ministers, including our leading moraliser Sir Keir Starmer Government backbenchers, affronted by suggestions that the PM might have a weakness for freebies, quivered with shock Exclamation marks were brandished, like lightsabers in a Star Wars film. John Glen, shadow paymaster general, demanded among other things that Sir Keir, having trousered some £100,000 worth of freebies from Arsenal FC and others, should recuse himself from policy on a football regulator. Ellie Reeves, minister without portfolio, drew her lips into a tunnel of disbelief and said 'this is utterly shameless!'