BEL MOONEY: Can I ever make my family see how they hurt me?

Dear Bel, I need help to get past a great hurt. I try to limit it to fortnightly – just ‘Hello, how are you?’ The daughter in Britain has a very busy job, two teenagers, and a husband who works shifts. ‘Man hands on misery to man’ wrote the poet Philip Larkin in his bleak poem about family life, so honesty compels me to look back over the years and realise there must have been many a time when I hurt/disappointed my own ­parents, God rest their souls. When you had your ‘special birthday’ two out of your three adult children came with their families, the New Zealand contingent travelling across the world to be with you. Many readers will get angry with me for saying this, but I feel my own role in the family is to ‘put up and shut up’ – because what’s the alternative?