Care and Feeding: parenting advice on going out, politeness, and revealing paternity.
7 years, 1 month ago

Care and Feeding: parenting advice on going out, politeness, and revealing paternity.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband of one year has a son who is 6—let’s call him James. My husband’s father went into the room, said goodbye, and gave James $20. And even if we don’t get to make them do what we want in the moment—my favorite parenting advice ever came from our midwife, who simply said, “They’re not robots”—we do have to seize as many of these opportunities as we can to build both long-term habits and long-term values. They say our inner voice as adults is that of our parents, so let his inner voice be one that says, “It’s OK that you feel this way, but it is not OK to treat others this way based on that feeling.” Shout out to grandpa, by the way, for teaching James about the economy of personal feelings so early.

Care Feel Way Son James My Son Husband My Husband Dear Care Your Son My Ex Feeding  feeding  james  husband  paternity  say  exhusband  care  parenting  going  feel  advice  im  way  getting  son  revealing  politeness

History of this topic

My Husband Won’t Interact With Our Kids Without a Podcast Buffer. I’m Fed Up.
8 months, 2 weeks ago

My Husband Won’t Interact With Our Kids Without a Podcast Buffer. I’m Fed Up.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Some of the impulse to listen to something else while he’s caregiving may go away naturally when the kids get older. One thing I’ll say that I hope is encouraging is that people tend to think of “making dinner” as a finite and forbidding thing, but “making dinner” is actually just an …

When siblings fight: Parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
2 years ago

When siblings fight: Parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. One resource you might find helpful is Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding, which makes the case for giving kids some control over their diets. I also know that a different school might only help ameliorate the academic issues, and he might still have social issues, even if he’s surrounded by …

Battles with exes: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Battles with exes: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Even now, as an adult, these are the type of friends he’s drawn to, which has resulted in him thinking this is “normal” behavior. Today my ex told me that by teaching my son not to interrupt people, I’m “ruining his life” and “crippling his chances to enjoy normal social interaction with …

Starting a family: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
4 years, 5 months ago

Starting a family: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I’ve always been upfront about my desire to be a parent but never thought of it as something particularly urgent, especially since I think I might want to adopt. —Baby Rabies Dear BR, I think if you’re having “swirling emotions” right now and have to keep them to yourself, you’re going to …

Parenting style criticism: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
4 years, 6 months ago

Parenting style criticism: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, I love my tiny demon child so much, but I’m sick of nursing. Advice seems to say just cuddle her and give her a cup, but she doesn’t actually like cuddles and again, the cup doesn’t dissuade her from nursing at all. For more of Slate’s parenting coverage, …

Child pleading for sibling: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Child pleading for sibling: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, I’m the mother of a bright and sociable 6-year-old, “Jane.” She is an only child for many reasons, but the overriding factor was economic—we’re median earners in an area with high housing costs, my husband and I both work full time, and we simply couldn’t afford to have …

Bad influence friends: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Bad influence friends: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Do you think he’s your friend?,” our son can’t help but think of him as a friend or even as an older boy to look up to. My answer was “BUILD A MASSIVE FUCKING SHED AGAINST THE FENCE SO THIS KID CAN’T HASSLE YOUR SON,” which I stand by as a valid …

Little kids and farting: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 2 months ago

Little kids and farting: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. She’s started to get teased in kindergarten for “having the stinkiest farts.” When she told us this last week, my husband counseled her to say “So what?” and then if the kid persists, lean in, sniff his breath, and tell him: “Yeah? Lots of people can relate to being like “THEN YOU …

Generational dysfunction: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 2 months ago

Generational dysfunction: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Drop your end of the rope with your grandmother and if, next Christmas, the kids ask, “Aren’t we going to be forced to say Merry Christmas to your bad grandmother?,” you can reply, “I think it’s better for us to focus on our own family instead of throwing good energy after bad” …

Kids who break down when gently corrected: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Kids who break down when gently corrected: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, I’m a 32-year-old woman who is terrified of having kids, but I’m also pretty sure I want them! We get the normal tantrums when she doesn’t want to eat or tries to do something she knows she can’t, and I think my husband and I do a great …

In-laws and wedding drama: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 5 months ago

In-laws and wedding drama: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, How do I best help support my teenager’s mental health during the college application process? The problem is that we’re approaching college application time, and given his test scores, academic record, etc., everyone around him expects him to be applying to all the most-selective schools. In no particular …

Drinking during wife’s pregnancy: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Drinking during wife’s pregnancy: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I don’t want to do it in front of you.” Also, if you have genuinely found it difficult to stop drinking, maybe explore that a little. It could be a fidget spinner, it could be a chewy necklace, it could be any form of stimming jewelry, which has plenty of more butch …

Privileged parents at an underprivileged school: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Privileged parents at an underprivileged school: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Your son should not talk to his friends about how much money his family has and should also understand that some of the things that he can take for granted may be out of reach for his classmates’ parents. —Babies Needin’ Babies Dear BNB, Having children requires most parents to step outside …

Bachelor parties with new babies: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 8 months ago

Bachelor parties with new babies: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, I am currently six months pregnant with my husband’s and my first child. Dear Care and Feeding, My almost-5-year-old has started to say “I hate you,” “You are a meanie,” or “I am never going to listen to you ever again” when he doesn’t get his way. —I …

Slumber party guest lists: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 8 months ago

Slumber party guest lists: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Each time this happens, it causes all sorts of hurt feelings for her—“Bethany was invited to sleep over, but I wasn’t”—and frankly I can’t understand why any parent would allow their daughter to have this kind of party. Regardless of how he identifies in the future, I can’t help but feel like …

Wives correcting husbands’ child care: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
55 years, 2 months ago

Wives correcting husbands’ child care: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I feel like he also doesn’t know how to soothe or calm the babies, or maybe doesn’t care to. I’m going to go out on a limb here and hypothesize that “a little rougher than he should be” is probably fine, even if it’s not what you would want. Also, if you …

The surprise bris: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 10 months ago

The surprise bris: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I’ve done everything short of saying “Because I don’t want to host a penis party to expose my son to the world.” Through my fiancé’s sister, we were warned of my future mother-in-law’s plan to host a “surprise” bris at our house a week after the birth! —We Do Not Want a …

Small children and wiping: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 11 months ago

Small children and wiping: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I’ve tried to explain gift-giving, being grateful, and even donating old toys to charity but he seems too young to really understand and it ends in tears. I’ve asked my in-laws to please stop buying him presents, but he’s so used to it that he asks every time he speaks to them …

Criticizing a friend’s parenting: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
5 years, 11 months ago

Criticizing a friend’s parenting: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I pretty much know this is rhetorical, because my friend wouldn’t accept any advice from me anyway, since I’m not a parent, but is there anything I can say? By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms Sign Up Dear Care and Feeding, I’m expecting my first child at …

Loving stepchildren: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
6 years, 1 month ago

Loving stepchildren: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. I don’t think you’re in a place to hear this right now, but let me remind you that love is also an action, and by doing what you describe as “going through the motions” in asking the right questions, showing interest, showing up, you are, in fact, loving your stepson. Take a …

Bathing with children: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
6 years, 1 month ago

Bathing with children: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. We’re trying to get the point across now that some body parts are “private.” When I brought this up with my husband, he thought it was a good thing because our daughter gets to see different types of bodies. Logically, I understand his point, but part of me still feels weird about …

Independent toddlers: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
6 years, 1 month ago

Independent toddlers: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. —JOHNNY DO IT Dear Johnny’s Parent, It’s remarkable, isn’t it, how little comfort “this is completely normal, developmentally speaking” is when you’re in the freaking shit. !” mill will be, in a few years, a great comfort when other people’s perfectly-capable children are still standing around limply insisting that someone else put …

Confronting abusive parents: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.
6 years, 3 months ago

Confronting abusive parents: parenting advice from Care and Feeding.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. It’s an expensive building, as is most every place in L.A. We mostly get along very well—except for a family with two small children, a 4-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. The neighbors who know about this hate what’s happening but don’t want to get involved; I think someone has to step …

Parenting advice on disagreements about health care for kids.
6 years, 6 months ago

Parenting advice on disagreements about health care for kids.

Slate  

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband and I frequently disagree about treating our daughter’s various childhood ailments. However, here’s the good news: It doesn’t sound like either one of you is so extreme in your views as to put your daughter in extreme harm’s way. Our friends’ daughter attended this school last …

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