L.A. Affairs: As a divorced mom, I was conflicted about dating. Until I met him
6 days, 23 hours ago

L.A. Affairs: As a divorced mom, I was conflicted about dating. Until I met him

LA Times  

I was three years post-divorce, with a 12-year-old son and a newly adopted puppy, living in Park La Brea, where a community of single moms had come together. She reminded me of my dating plan by saying, “It’s just one date.” Expecting the worst, I was surprised instead to meet a successful entrepreneur and triathlete with sexy curly hair, an empty nester who lived in the suburbs an hour north of L.A. We had matched because he happened to be in the city, and my five-mile radius setting allowed him to appear. And then my life would be my own, so my typical response was: “Life will be wildly different in three years, and we’ll figure it out then.” We got more intertwined in each other’s lives all while trying to compromise and negotiate the appropriate amount of time together. When my son leaves for college in two years, I plan to put some dents in my bucket list: spontaneously travel, do volunteer work, sail the seas, visit friends and family — to be “free” in the sense that I would have no other significant person influencing my decisions. Lifestyle L.A. Affairs submission guidelines L.A. Affairs is a first-person column in the Los Angeles Times chronicling romance and relationships.

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History of this topic

L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?
2 weeks, 6 days ago

L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?

LA Times  

We met at a boba shop on Santa Monica Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue perfectly situated between our apartments in the lively heart of West Hollywood. I wore light-wash jeans with rips at the knees and a purple North Face long-sleeve that read “Save the Polar Bears.” My beige jacket was fluffy and felt excessive for an L.A. winter. “I just …

L.A. Affairs: We found a love we weren’t supposed to. Would we last forever?
1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: We found a love we weren’t supposed to. Would we last forever?

LA Times  

“Wait, you dated her? She’s basically royalty,” said an old schoolmate of my first love when we realized our mutual connection. I’d never met a Muslim person before coming to college, and here I was, walking into the mosque in my skinny jeans with a tiny silver cross hanging around my neck. Her family’s prominence in her home country, the …

L.A. Affairs: I wanted a deeper connection with this man. Did he only want me for sex?
1 month, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I wanted a deeper connection with this man. Did he only want me for sex?

LA Times  

I wanted a deeper connection with this man. And “butterflies” mean you’re destined to repeat the dysfunctional patterns of your relationship with your parent with your new lover— a fast track to heartbreak. Afterward, I laid my head on his chest, saying, “I’ll leave; just give me a minute,” and then added, “Insert Billy Crystal’s line from ‘When Harry Met …

L.A. Affairs: He was a perfect gentleman. Homeowner. Father. Film producer ... and ex-con?
2 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He was a perfect gentleman. Homeowner. Father. Film producer ... and ex-con?

LA Times  

If you had asked me to go on a date with someone who was barely out of prison, my answer would be an immediate no. He sneaked in “I’m not a good person” so innocuously that the old me would have overlooked it. He even said during dinner something like, “I’m feeling like we’ve got a collaborating-on-work vibe more than …

L.A. Affairs: We’re young and in love. Could our relationship go the distance?
2 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: We’re young and in love. Could our relationship go the distance?

LA Times  

Long Beach is not Los Angeles. The hometown of both Snoop Dogg and Billie Jean King — a set of Long Beach Polytechnic High graduates with pretty disparate skill sets — is culturally its own. As such, growing up in the LBC meant trips into Los Angeles were an occasion, the kind of pack-the-car event that is normally associated with …

L.A. Affairs: I met a stranger at the airport. And yes, I was having feelings for him
3 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I met a stranger at the airport. And yes, I was having feelings for him

LA Times  

My brother dropped me off curbside at Los Angeles International Airport and yelled, “Run!” Our timing getting to LAX was thwarted by the kind of notorious L.A. traffic that airline change fees and crushed dreams are made of. Without missing a beat, she shot back: “Good, because you’re very handsome.” We said goodbye in a flurry. Flying over Tulsa, Okla. …

L.A. Affairs: I’m crying a lot lately and arguing with my husband. Is L.A. to blame?
3 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I’m crying a lot lately and arguing with my husband. Is L.A. to blame?

LA Times  

I’ve been crying a lot lately. I’ve fallen out of love with L.A. People hate L.A., so falling out of love with it might make sense to you. I’ve loved L.A. since I was a child growing up in Orange County, a brown kid in a sea of white kids who felt unseen and alone. I’ve been married for 10 …

L.A. Affairs: He ghosted me on text and Instagram. Should I give him another chance?
3 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: He ghosted me on text and Instagram. Should I give him another chance?

LA Times  

At 5:11 p.m. on a Friday, my phone buzzed with a message from Matt. I’ll check my schedule and confirm tomorrow.” He never did although his profile picture — Modigliani’s portrait of Jean Cocteau — consistently lingered under my Instagram Stories views. We started texting back and forth every day again, him professing that he had been directing his time …

L.A. Affairs: He said I was smarter and funnier than his ex. So why was he conflicted?
4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He said I was smarter and funnier than his ex. So why was he conflicted?

LA Times  

Jay and I matched on Hinge the night I was going to delete my account. I could have been creeped out, but instead it felt like old-school dating, when you’re in a room full of people and you see that one person you want to talk to. We ended the evening with a hug and a “Let’s do it again.” …

L.A. Affairs: I went to the ER after a fall. But I might have left with a boyfriend
4 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I went to the ER after a fall. But I might have left with a boyfriend

LA Times  

I am an 81-year-old widow with shaky balance. “When was the last time you had a drink?” “Last night I went out with my buddies and had a few beers.” So, he’s single! The last thing I said to her was, “Why should I?” “Because you never know.” “Not doing it,” I said loudly, hoping the subject would finally be …

L.A. Affairs: I slid into my work crush’s DMs. Would fortune favor the bold?
4 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I slid into my work crush’s DMs. Would fortune favor the bold?

LA Times  

Last year, the nonprofit where I work went from requiring employees to come into the office twice a month to three times a week. Then one day, as I was heading back to my office with my senior dog, Loki, who comes to work with me, I bumped into J. I don’t recall exactly what he said. Because most offices …

L.A. Affairs: I’m young and attractive. So why am I on a date with a much older man?
5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I’m young and attractive. So why am I on a date with a much older man?

LA Times  

The outside tables at Figaro Bistrot are far too close to one another. “Everything I’ve written since then I haven’t really cared about.” It shows. He finally asks me about myself: “What is your research about?” As a master of none, I never really know how to answer this question, so I recite a list of areas I’ve dabbled in. …

L.A. Affairs: At 77, I had a crush on my best friend’s widower. Did he feel the same way?
5 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: At 77, I had a crush on my best friend’s widower. Did he feel the same way?

LA Times  

At 77, I had given up. After two failed marriages and years of unsuccessful dating, I accepted what seemed to be my fate: single for almost 40 years and single for however many remained. After she died, Ty and I stayed in touch sporadically: a surprise sharing of his second granddaughter a year after we scattered my friend’s ashes, an …

L.A. Affairs: I was on a date with my husband when I spotted a guy who was just my type
5 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I was on a date with my husband when I spotted a guy who was just my type

LA Times  

The light was low at the Echo as Elliot Moss started playing his new single. I’m polyamorous; my husband and I date and have relationships with others, so a conversation wouldn’t have been out of the question. I’d only ever given one person my number, and it led to a rather mediocre date. “I need to ask a Virgo question: …

L.A. Affairs: We moved from New York in a doughnut truck. Would L.A. offer new adventures?
6 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: We moved from New York in a doughnut truck. Would L.A. offer new adventures?

LA Times  

We drove up a steep hill in our packed doughnut food truck to see our new house in Glassell Park for the first time. But here in L.A., every turn we made led to a new hazard: a blind curve with a speeding Tesla coming down the other side; a gardener’s pickup truck with protruding tools parked to the side …

L.A. Affairs: I discovered my dad’s secret children. It changed us forever
6 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I discovered my dad’s secret children. It changed us forever

LA Times  

We all have a past — little ghosts of heartache and regret that can haunt us forever. Lifestyle L.A. Affairs submission guidelines L.A. Affairs is a first-person column in the Los Angeles Times chronicling romance and relationships. As I became an adult and started to make my own mistakes — as I started to understand the weight a person’s decisions …

L.A. Affairs: For years, we were Matt & Ted. Except I wasn’t Ted. I was Amie
7 months ago

L.A. Affairs: For years, we were Matt & Ted. Except I wasn’t Ted. I was Amie

LA Times  

We met online in 2004 before Hinge, Bumble or even the iPhone existed. We threw strange parties: a garden party with a “make your own hat” bar, a dinner party full of spontaneous performance art and a birthday party called Lord Pontchartrain’s Cosmic Saturnalia. For years, we’d had a mostly unspoken bargain: I would live my trans life after he …

L.A. Affairs submission guidelines
7 months ago

L.A. Affairs submission guidelines

LA Times  

L.A. Affairs is a first-person column in the L.A. Times chronicling romance and relationships. We like stories to have a strong sense of place and to feel rooted in Southern California. Everything in each piece including names must be factually correct. Please be patient: We receive dozens and dozens of submissions for L.A. Affairs each week and are not always …

L.A. Affairs: We dated for 3 months before moving in together. Were we asking for trouble?
7 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: We dated for 3 months before moving in together. Were we asking for trouble?

LA Times  

Reeling from an unrequited relationship with a bartender-actor and tired of being a broke substitute teacher-actor, I decided to take a full-time teaching job in Pacoima. I once joked early in our relationship: “Wow, you’re mature, kind, responsible and loving, so you must not be the one for me!” I wasn’t used to being treated with respect and kindness, and …

L.A. Affairs: I almost kissed my ex-boyfriend. Did I have feelings for him again?
7 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I almost kissed my ex-boyfriend. Did I have feelings for him again?

LA Times  

As we walked back to our cars after the party, my ex-boyfriend said, “I have something for you,” and dropped an object into the center of my palm. “So do you mean we’ve just run off with someone’s ring?” “Pretty much,” he said. “Let him see what else is out there.” So when my kryptonite ex emailed and invited me …

L.A. Affairs: I found love in a truly hopeless place. Yes, the office
7 months, 4 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I found love in a truly hopeless place. Yes, the office

LA Times  

Heartbroken after a breakup that was long overdue, crushed by a stalled entertainment industry and depressed by my temporary day job at a dementia center, I grasped at any semblance of stability. Months of hopeful waiting ended with a curt dismissal: “We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.” I was bitter, and my mind was overflowing with imagined shortcomings …

L.A. Affairs: I was new to Los Angeles. Was driving 70 miles for love worth it?
8 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I was new to Los Angeles. Was driving 70 miles for love worth it?

LA Times  

I begrudgingly met my husband. Driving two hours south through L.A., traffic pending, to visit a rowdy house of people I didn’t know did not sound desirable, especially when I had so much of California to explore. I am not one to believe in love at first sight but I remember the large wood panel door swinging open that first …

L.A. Affairs: I keep calling my new boyfriend Paul. That’s my ex’s name
10 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I keep calling my new boyfriend Paul. That’s my ex’s name

LA Times  

The first time I called Scott by my ex’s name, we were lying side by side. “It’s OK,” Scott whispered in saint-like understanding; seemingly unbothered by my blunder, he suggested we get out of bed and salvage our day. We had been together for six months, and even as we grew closer, met each other’s families and became the couple …

L.A. Affairs: I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum. What he did next was shocking
10 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum. What he did next was shocking

LA Times  

When I opened the door of my apartment, something felt off. I walked into each room to assess what he’d done, each discovery a spear through my gut: the hangers dangling on the closet rod like a smile of broken teeth. It was the conclusion of a fiery, unhealthy pairing dominated by a passionate relationship’s hallmarks: mind-blowing sex, furious arguments, …

L.A. Affairs: I was mourning. He was charming. Would romance help me heal?
10 months, 3 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I was mourning. He was charming. Would romance help me heal?

LA Times  

In December 2022, I was at Zara in the Glendale Galleria, helping my sister find a coat suitable for a funeral, when he first messaged. “But if you want to talk to someone removed from it, I’m happy to.” I was taken with his kind response to my overshare, and we established a long-distance rapport. “You looked like you saw …

L.A. Affairs: I ran into three of my exes. Was the universe trying to tell me something?
11 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I ran into three of my exes. Was the universe trying to tell me something?

LA Times  

I’d venture to guess that if we were to survey under-40 Angelenos on their religious beliefs, astrology probably would come out on top. Yet within a year, the relationship had imploded, and our last date featured me crying to Bradley Cooper’s suicide in “A Star Is Born” while Harrison shot me pathetic glances, preparing for our scheduled breakup that Sunday. …

L.A. Affairs: I met my dream man. The only problem? He wasn’t my husband
11 months, 1 week ago

L.A. Affairs: I met my dream man. The only problem? He wasn’t my husband

LA Times  

I had been married for six weeks the night I met Anthony. Outside on the tiny patio, Anthony scooted in next to me with the bottles of Two-Buck Chuck we’d brought with us. My husband and I signed divorce papers nine months after we had said, “I do.” That summer Anthony called to say he’d been diagnosed with colon cancer. …

L.A. Affairs: I said, ‘I love you.’ She quickly replied, ‘As a friend, right?’
11 months, 2 weeks ago

L.A. Affairs: I said, ‘I love you.’ She quickly replied, ‘As a friend, right?’

LA Times  

My eyes scanned the crowd in the arrivals area of Terminal 5 at Los Angeles International Airport. Two years prior, on Jan. 17, 1994, the Northridge earthquake shook her parents’ Porter Ranch home violently, waking her and her family from their slumber. After a year of our digital friendship, I sat 3,000 miles away in my bedroom, but one night, …

L.A. Affairs: I froze my eggs and put starting a family on hold. Was it a mistake?
1 year ago

L.A. Affairs: I froze my eggs and put starting a family on hold. Was it a mistake?

LA Times  

I was still doing an internship across town at SpaceX before I started as a postdoctoral scholar in astrophysics at Caltech. But I managed to snag an invitation to the Caltech department party in Pasadena at astrophysicist Kip Thorne’s house, which had 1960s vibes, replete with a Richard Feynman sketch of a naked woman, a hot tub and a water …

L.A. Affairs: I was absolutely attracted to him. Then he body-shamed me
1 year, 1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: I was absolutely attracted to him. Then he body-shamed me

LA Times  

The night I met Buff Ben, I was coming from a Hinge date. “No, I hated it!” Ben smiled ruefully as he recounted his loneliness there: the time he had crushed openly on a fellow actor in a play before turning bitter when his advances were spurned. “I only date fit guys,” he said, as though this were so obvious …

L.A. Affairs: My mentor quietly quit me. Was the problem with my new guy or me?
1 year, 1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: My mentor quietly quit me. Was the problem with my new guy or me?

LA Times  

“I love your work. I felt I was writing one of the artist’s characters in real time. “A miracle!” the artist said, picking me up from LAX. “I even have someone to set you up with,” she said, showing me a photo of a tall man at one of her events. I can’t right now,” she said, describing mourning over …

L.A. Affairs: He kept texting her while dating me. We teamed up for revenge
1 year, 1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: He kept texting her while dating me. We teamed up for revenge

LA Times  

I had recently finished grad school and was ready to dive into the dating scene, so I downloaded Bumble, the dating app where women make the first move. He seemed to love filming himself talking to strangers, and he’d proudly stand in public places with a big cardboard sign proclaiming “Free Hugs!” In the mix, I noticed that a pretty …

L.A. Affairs: I broke up with her. Then she wrote a one-woman show about it
1 year, 1 month ago

L.A. Affairs: I broke up with her. Then she wrote a one-woman show about it

LA Times  

“I’ve been immature,” I said during a painstaking call to Madeleine. “What’s your take on Madeleine’s show?” I texted my brother-in-arms. Next was Madeleine’s second lover, a Scottish man who spoke frequently of his ex-girlfriend, a blond woman who looked suspiciously like Madeleine. I’ve been seeing a girl from Hinge concurrently.” These were my exact words, Madeleine said, because she …

L.A. Affairs: Dating tragic men taught me something. I was tired of meeting losers
1 year, 2 months ago

L.A. Affairs: Dating tragic men taught me something. I was tired of meeting losers

LA Times  

This wasn’t an L.A. sprinkle either. When Steve and I shared a kiss at the bar, Cheryl said, “It’s not just wet outside tonight!” My spectacular first date with Steve happened eight years ago. I met Steve because I “dated liberally.” “Dating liberally” means going out to meet a lot of people. Right in L.A. Had I not been “dating …

L.A. Affairs: My date with a genius became a lecture series with no escape in sight
1 year, 2 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My date with a genius became a lecture series with no escape in sight

LA Times  

Every Sunday I read this column religiously because it feeds my hope that at 65, I, too, still have a chance at finding love again. Like in Foreigner’s song “I Want to Know What Love Is,” I keep climbing that mountain, not just for love but for a love better than I’ve ever had, including a long, difficult marriage. A …

L.A. Affairs: I was a lonely widow for so many years. How could I find love again?
1 year, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was a lonely widow for so many years. How could I find love again?

LA Times  

As a widow for nearly four years, I was hoping to answer the question “Can I find love again?” with a yes. After about a year, I joined an online community called Stitch in the hope that I would make new friends and connect with other people who had lost a partner. We also had a memorable New Year’s Eve …

L.A. Affairs: My dad and her mom had an affair. Should that stop us from dating?
1 year, 3 months ago

L.A. Affairs: My dad and her mom had an affair. Should that stop us from dating?

LA Times  

After attending UCLA on and off for nine years, it was finally time for me to graduate. Upon my return eight months later, I discovered that my parents had indeed divorced, and Margaret had moved in but only to move out again in anxious anticipation of my coming home. She also was very easy to talk to, and I remember …

L.A. Affairs: He wasn’t into food, and I’m a serious cook. Was this a deal-breaker?
1 year, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He wasn’t into food, and I’m a serious cook. Was this a deal-breaker?

LA Times  

I have two passions in life: babies and cooking. I even did a dinner from “The French Laundry Cookbook.” Without sous chefs, the citrus powder alone, which is a garnish for a dish with skate wing, took me a whole afternoon. I prefer guests whose answer to the allergy question is: “The only thing we don’t eat is jellyfish.” However, …

L.A. Affairs: He lied to me over and over. I went back to him anyway
1 year, 4 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He lied to me over and over. I went back to him anyway

LA Times  

We met for drinks in downtown Los Angeles. “Take all the time you need, Mell, but I know, without a doubt, that I love you.” So commenced our initial two-year romance. “Because he thinks I’m a gigolo.” Cue screeching brakes. Didn’t you say you were a writer, a voice-over actor, a comedian, a hotel bellman?” My intuition had been telling …

L.A. Affairs: I finally met a good guy but then I was diagnosed with cancer. What now?
1 year, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I finally met a good guy but then I was diagnosed with cancer. What now?

LA Times  

I had been unlucky in love. I see food and I eat it.” When he hears someone speaking Spanish, he says, “My Spanish stops at taco, burrito and enchilada.” There used to be an Orange County shopping complex called the Block, and whenever Rick had out-of-town company, he would ask them if they’d like to take a walk around the …

L.A. Affairs: I was focused on work. I didn’t realize he was flirting with me
1 year, 5 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was focused on work. I didn’t realize he was flirting with me

LA Times  

When you’ve been in the bookstore business long enough, there are times when you start to think everybody’s got an angle. Maybe it’s just an L.A. thing, but it seemed that every time I stopped at a stoplight those days, some enterprising do-gooder would lean over from the next car with a crumpled card reading “We Fix Dents.” I didn’t …

L.A. Affairs: He changed my mind about love. I changed his about L.A.
1 year, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He changed my mind about love. I changed his about L.A.

LA Times  

My divorce papers were signed, and I had just graduated from seven years of a grueling general surgery residency in New York City. My soon-to-be ex-husband helped me find an all-women surf and yoga camp in beautiful Costa Rica en route to L.A. Luckily, my ex and I were amicable enough, and he reminded me that I had always wanted …

L.A. Affairs: We both loved L.A. Then she wanted to try a new city
1 year, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: We both loved L.A. Then she wanted to try a new city

LA Times  

Our L.A. stories were bridged in more ways than one on our first date. She was from the San Gabriel Valley and I’m from South L.A. During our post-dinner walk, we found ourselves at the foot of the 6th Street Viaduct, which neither of us had visited before. The panoramic view made me reflect on the good times we had …

L.A. Affairs: He treated me how I wished I could treat myself
1 year, 6 months ago

L.A. Affairs: He treated me how I wished I could treat myself

LA Times  

I met Justin under dinosaur bones. As we weaved through gleaming stones in the Gem and Mineral Hall, I learned Justin had an identical twin brother, that he’s friends with his parents and that he felt called to help people. As we meandered outside the museum, the reinvigorating night air whispering to me that Justin and I were alive at …

L.A. Affairs: I fell for a bad-boy chef. Then the recipe soured
1 year, 7 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I fell for a bad-boy chef. Then the recipe soured

LA Times  

“Why are you crying?” my husband asked me. I had just finished watching “The Bear,” the Hulu show that undoubtedly resonates with chefs but simultaneously must pain the women who love or loved them. “The smartest thing I could do would be to marry you.” Those were often his parting words as we drifted off to sleep together. Then one …

L.A. Affairs: I’m divorced. She’s divorced. Were we too jaded to fall back in love?
1 year, 7 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I’m divorced. She’s divorced. Were we too jaded to fall back in love?

LA Times  

I was in the midst of a personal meltdown. But I am more comfortable being part of a “we.” I found myself looking for love in all the wrong places in L.A. I was out with my daughter late one night when I received a text from an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while. As I’ve learned, …

L.A. Affairs: Online dating wasn’t going well. Was I geographically undesirable?
1 year, 9 months ago

L.A. Affairs: Online dating wasn’t going well. Was I geographically undesirable?

LA Times  

“Lynn from Sherman Oaks, meet Jay from Long Beach.” That’s how the introductory email from eHarmony began. This is Los Angeles, where a man from Santa Monica turned me down for a first date because, as he put it, “It’s just too difficult to come over the hill.” Then there was another potential suitor who told me, “You just made …

L.A. Affairs: Did you find love at Disneyland? Tell us your story
1 year, 9 months ago

L.A. Affairs: Did you find love at Disneyland? Tell us your story

LA Times  

Did your love story start at the Happiest Place on Earth? Or maybe the idea of finally proposing to your boo made sense as you two ate Dole Whip one summer afternoon at the Enchanted Tiki Room. We want your Disneyland love story for an upcoming L.A. Affairs column. How to submit an essay Please either submit your story below …

L.A. Affairs: I was too happy and in love to notice the red flags
1 year, 9 months ago

L.A. Affairs: I was too happy and in love to notice the red flags

LA Times  

I landed in Los Angeles with my 10- and 12-year-old daughters in December 2013. We met during a last-minute visit to go see Simon, my old friend and first agent, who lived near Montana Avenue in Santa Monica. We would host dinners together in Adriano’s condo in Santa Monica and we’d also take the girls to the California Science Center, …

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