Why it’s ok to grieve for your pre-child life

Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guide to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more SIGN UP I would like to be emailed about offers, events and updates from The Independent. Missing your pre-child life is common “From what we can see on the Mumsnet forums, it’s pretty common for new mothers to feel like this,” says Mumsnet founder and CEO Justine Roberts. open image in gallery “What other job in the world takes as much from you mentally, emotionally and physically as parenting?” she asks “And yet, modern-day messaging continues to push more and more demands on parents to be everything to their children.” Accepting things have changed While some parents can feel a sort of ‘grief’ for their old life, Roberts says most new parents are reluctant to compare their experience to a bereavement; “Society doesn’t really give you permission to express that you’re finding it difficult – let alone that you’re angry or desolate.” Although one Mumsnet user posted: “Someone once described it to me as a mourning period, and I think that really is true. That was then, this is now.” Some people may even suffer from “adjustment disorder”, she says, “an extreme stress reaction in response to a change in someone’s life”. Which isn’t that far-fetched when you consider birth recovery, extreme sleep deprivation, possible PTSD – “then dump on top of that a lot of subliminal messages about ‘you should be coping better’, and you have the makings of a fairly significant mental stressor.” Adjusting to your new life Managing expectations before having a baby can help; Jenny Barrett, practice coordinator at NCT says parents who have realistic expectations are “better equipped to adjust”.