How to handle holiday party stress when partying sounds exhausting

Take a moment to time-travel back to December 2019, when invitations to actual, in-person holiday parties flew fast and furiously and you had to decide which to go to, or whether you’d hit several in one night, and what condition you’d be in for a festive brunch the next morning. “It’s important to, in a timely manner, let the host know whether you plan to attend or not,” adds Crystal Bailey, director of the Etiquette Institute in Washington, D.C. “It doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out thing, like, ‘Oh, I’m not coming because I’m just so overwhelmed’ — the shorter we keep it, the better.” Once you say yes, stick with it It is, in fact, rude to cancel last minute or just not show up at all: “I think that’s one of our biggest etiquette faux pas as of late,” says Post. If there’s one party you should make time for, it’s the work holiday party, says Bailey: “There’s just so much that we can gain and garner from being there.” Hennon and Philip suggest setting boundaries around how long you’ll go for and what to say in terms of how you leave “so you can show up and be fully present and make the good impression rather than going and being like, ‘I have to be there all night,’ or feeling really resentful.” If you know you’ll only stay an hour, set the stage beforehand by explaining you’ve had a long week or have an early spin class the next day. As for that “What do you do?” question: “It feels like someone’s just trying to size you up in that moment, and not reducing someone simply to what they do professionally is important.” Instead, she recommends asking, “Do you have any plans for the holidays?” or “What brought you to L.A.?” “Studies show that actually the best way to get people to like you and think that you’re a good communicator is to be a good listener,” says Philip. And thank your host when it’s time to leave.” The next day, you can send another thanks — it’s “totally fine” to send it by text, says Post.