Help! My Mom and Mother-in-Law Insist They Can Handle Holiday Prep. I Don’t Think They Want to See the Truth.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. I’m also curious if it’s a matter of framing these offers in a different way: Instead of asking, “Can I help with…” which would require your mother or mother-in-law to admit she needs help, experiment with stating your desire to do a task, i.e., “This year, I’d really like to handle the outdoor lights/I’m going to do the tree with the kids because they’re dying to be in charge of the ornaments.” Frame these as a favor or request that she can grant for you, and see if these appeal to their egos and give you some room to help out at last. But I feel like saying, “I love you” is so loaded with expectations and I don’t know if my saying it will convey what they expect or what I feel. I’ve always suspected love is happening once I start looking at a person and think, Even if we don’t actually end up together, I want this person to have the best life. Dear Prudence, I want to end a years-long Christmas gift exchange, but I can’t take the uncomfortable feeling of receiving a gift without reciprocating.