HOW TO HANDLE A BITCOIN-CRAZED RELATIVE: NEW YEAR'S ADVICE

HOW TO HANDLE A BITCOIN-CRAZED RELATIVE: NEW YEAR’S ADVICE By Brendan Lemon You asked if I’d care to invest In Bitcoin, this new currency Our lives would be dazzlingly blessed With yields from this crypto mon-ey With excellent odds for success This asset and its steady rise Had such sterling prospects you guessed Despite its intangible guise No bank would ensure against loss Of money pledged should value fall Was it merely bright online dross Not gold with a worth backed by all? Why turn down the dazzling allure You’d press on with this latest scheme Your tech friends were bound to assure We’d strike it rich: fulfill a dream Let’s hazard the risk, go all in And, after all, what’s a few thou When offered a real chance to win C’mon, you said, cough up right now You sensed that I might be perplexed You knew that big risk I abhorred Unfazed, you sent me one more text: “While you dither, bro, prices soar.” Two years have flown since that exchange You’ve bought a house, added some land You ping me from your driving range: “The price has now hit eighteen grand” You put in and made several mil You tell me and peal forth a laugh Your riches still give you a thrill Your earnings have flown off the graph You ask if I’d like a fat loan You’ve got so much bright currency I almost drop my Android phone Amused by your offer to me Don’t worry, I say, I’ll survive I doubt that I’m going to fall flat In fact, I am starting to thrive Oh, really, you say, why is that? And unlike the fruit of your deal Secured nowhere on God’s green earth My stock shares are treated as real And Bitcoin: what’s its true net worth? So Happiest New Year, old sport I’d like us to have a golf game I promise to lend you support