I Suddenly Found Myself The Breadwinner In Our Family. I Didn't Expect What It Would Do To My Marriage.

The author, right, is pictured with her husband. In a 2023 article for Glamour UK, O’Connell Rodriguez used the term “ambition penalty” to describe the social, professional and financial costs that women face when they go after what they want. “It can be very disorienting, and painful,” O’Connell Rodriguez says. When Tess started publishing her work in well-known outlets, she says, “it became too much.” Lou was frustrated by his lack of success, or “wins,” Tess says, “and was — I know now — crippled by anxiety.” Tess says Lou relied on her for emotional support and reassurance that he was a good teacher, that he made a difference in his students’ lives, and that his work mattered even if he wasn’t winning accolades. Instead of shifting shame back and forth within a relationship, “This needs to be a bigger conversation,” O’Connell Rodriguez says.