Happy New Year from sir, with love

Columnist Sabrina Haake imagines the future in this satire piece. After the Village People sued for copyright infringement, JD Vance declared the song was gay anyway, and ordered all recordings interspliced with Lee Greenwood’s bible song, netting Trump Inc. $2.3b in annual royalties. If Franklin Roosevelt overstayed his welcome, so can I.” Tearing up the Panama treaty like it was a Nancy Pelosi speech, Trump declared the increased fees for passage through the drought-stricken canal were a “complete rip-off.” Just ahead of the scheduled increase, set to cost GOP donors millions in transport fees, Trump demanded that Panama add a 50% surcharge for direct deposit to MAGA, Inc. When Trump defaulted, Japan’s Shigeru Ishiba and China’s Xi Jinpeng tried to foreclose on domestic assets like the Washington Mall, prompting Musk to beam Trump’s life-size hologram into their bedrooms, wearing his uniform red tie. Her First Lady coffee table book, ‘Perks of dark side,’ sold 77,284,118 copies following the official ban of all competitive books including the bible; an alleged “Jewish carpenter” was either a loudmouth DEI hire or original nepo baby, depending, and the word breast hid in 27 passages.