Opinion: Don’t panic this Thanksgiving: You can survive political disagreements

Many of us anticipate this upcoming post-election Thanksgiving holiday with dread, worried that angry political arguments will tear our families apart. When we make an effort to learn about someone’s life beyond politics, we will almost always find some common experience or shared value, something we can understand and affirm, even with people whose political opinions are antithetical to our own. To change an ideological statement — a statement of conviction or belief — into a pragmatic question, we can ask, “in what cases, under what conditions, to what extent?” Pragmatic arguments also reduce our tendency toward personal attacks, making disagreements about how to solve a problem, not who you are. These shifts — from debate to dialogue; from opinions to concerns; from certainty to humility; and from ideology to pragmatic solutions — allow for much more successful discussions in families and political opponents alike. Brief moments of empathy and recognition of someone’s concerns convey a willingness to listen that almost always leads to some softening of our defensiveness and the harshness of our judgments, on both sides.