My Husband Longs for the Days When We Went to Bars Together. I Wish He’d Be More Honest With Himself.

is Slate’s advice column on addiction, recovery, and how to hate yourself less. I wish he’d drink less and/or be more honest with himself about why he feels shitty after a few days of tying one on, but I try to keep my mouth shut. I’ve been on both sides of the drinker/nondrinker coupledom: When I’ve attempted to stop or scale back my alcohol use and my partner was still actively, sometimes problematically, drinking, it definitely became a thing. But if your man continues to tie one and then wonders why he woke up grouchy and sluggish, you only should say, “I’m sorry that happened.” Maybe if you’re feeling extremely generous, you can make him some coffee, but otherwise, just let him deal with his hangover. I don’t know the best way to say, “I’m working hard to be sober, and you’re not helping by making me feel bad,” without being coarse and confrontational, but that’s a good goal moving forward.