I have a huge problem with Keira Knightley writing a children’s book – you should, too

Picture the scene: the A-list actor, Keira Knightley, opens the door to find me – a slightly shabby-looking, largely unknown writer – standing on her doorstep holding a stack of big cards and a tape player. “In the last month I have had two novels released, a folk horror called Withered Hill and a festive romcom, very much like the one we are aping now, called The Little Christmas Library.” Next card: “And the slight sense of shame at shoehorning this sort of desperate self-promotion into an opinion piece I have been asked to write on a Saturday morning, in the hope that the editor won’t cut it out, is something that you, as a newly announced celebrity author, will never have to experience.” Yes, it’s that time of year again: a big celebrity has announced that they are finally realising their dream and writing a book, and up steps someone you’ve never heard of to whinge about it. It’s perhaps unfortunate that she’s the current celebrity author target in this perennial grudge match between jobbing writers and famous people who write books, because I’ve read things she has written, and it looks like she can string a sentence together – and by all accounts she’s an accomplished artist who will be illustrating her own book, inspired by her experiences as a mother. But it’s when “writing a book” is merely the next thing on the celebrity tick-list that it really grates. Hope you can use your platform to give some exposure to some of the amazing children’s authors and illustrators out there as well.” Oh, and Keira, one last thing.