If You Want A Second Date, Do This On Your First Date

On a first date with someone we like, we really want ― of course ― for the evening to go well. Our culture hints that it might be seductive to say things like ‘I love Paris’s museums’ or ‘I am excellent at swimming in moonlit lakes’. It can be equally seductive to mention, in passing: ‘As you can imagine, after that, I had a little temper tantrum with myself’ but in a profoundly calm and smiling tone that indicates both an accurate ability to dislike oneself at points and a mature ability to digest and learn from one’s less impressive moments. At the heart of seductive self-revelation is the idea: ‘I’m a touch crazy, of course, but very much sane enough to tell you about it in a modest and un-hysterical way.’ We’re indicating that we have the best possible relationship with our own shadow sides. One might, towards the end of the evening drop in a small warm tease that alludes to our understanding of some less than perfect side of them: ‘I suppose you stayed under the duvet feeling a bit sorry for yourself after that?’ we might ask, with a benign smile.