Why losing a sibling with learning difficulties is not a blessing in disguise

Sign up to our free Living Well email for advice on living a happier, healthier and longer life Live your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletter Live your life healthier and happier with our free weekly Living Well newsletter SIGN UP I would like to be emailed about offers, events and updates from The Independent. One friend texted, “So glad this weight has been lifted from your shoulders.” Another simply hugged me and said, “I hope you finally have some peace.” These friends assumed my brother’s death would bring some relief, that losing him at a young age might be a blessing in disguise. Later, my parents had another typical child, my younger brother Andrew, but even that didn’t stop their grief. I realised soon after Alan’s death that I’d been clinging to a sliver of hope that Alan would get better someday. In all the ways the relationship between Alan and me was different – more complicated, more extreme – we lived with an ambivalence that’s present in many families.