Sudden unexplained death in childhood: When my 2-year-old daughter died, no one had an answer.

On a hot August afternoon, I finished a call with a client as I opened the door to the room of my 2-year-old daughter, Alice. My daughter Grace still needed a mother, so every day, I went on with life, silently chanting, “Do this for Grace … and the memory of Alice.” To keep a grip on my will to live, I vowed to do something healing for at least one hour a day, whether taking a bath, hiking, writing, doing charitable work related to our loss, or exercising. Then I started going down the checklist: I was hypervigilant; I couldn’t stop reliving the events; I had debilitating anxiety; I had trouble breathing and talking; I experienced intense guilt; I couldn’t sleep or focus. The guilt might have been unhealthy, but I also was able to feel kindness toward myself for feeling it: As parents, we feel guilty if kids skin their knees, don’t share with friends, don’t eat their vegetables, or act out in public. After I had had several therapy sessions and practiced a lot of self-care, the guilt, panic attacks, and intrusive images around Alice’s death lessened.