I Always Make One Request of Men in Bed. But Then I Never Follow Through.

How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. After the first sex with each of these three men, we talked about how we didn’t use a condom and discussed my testing history and contraceptive status. Spend some time on the CDC website learning about the transmission of STIs—while condoms are a great start, it’s a lot more complicated than “use a condom.” Make yourself a chart of the safer sex methods available to you, and design your own ideal stack of swiss cheese—risk mitigation tactics you’ll actually use are more effective than failing toward someone else’s “should.” Get more How to Do It in our Advice newsletter The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox twice a week. In terms of our attachment, I’m definitely more of a reassurance seeker and he, I believe, tends to try and “need less” and I see him doing this with sex. I’ve also said, “I have tons of energy, no discomfort, and would like to have acrobatic sex while the opportunity is there.” Same with “Feeling great—let’s go for a big walk.” Stating ideas or requests, or at least letting the person know where the boundaries are today, helps prevent the “no rut” in which you’re both frustrated and stressed because everything is a no when all you want to do is find and collaborate on a yes.