What happened when I came off anti-depressants after eight years

Today, after being incredibly sharp with a workman, after leaving a voice note telling a friend I really hate my life, after really hating my life and feeling a terrifying panic rise and try to punch out of my chest, I made my best friend FaceTime me. Placed the little white pill on a little white gold-rimmed plate, poured water into a gold-rimmed wine glass, and played Donny Hathaway’s “Love, Love, Love” as I swallowed it down. That realisation – plus the urge to be outside more, to be with people more, to be “in life” more – and the optimism I felt, something I’d rarely experienced during my eight years on antidepressants, made me want to give life a shot. “You’ll never go back to where you were – it will never be as bad – because you have the tools now,” Susanna said. I also tried to utilise my Connection Works knowledge – including getting my morning blue light fix to help regulate my mood and – to find my natural “get happy” serotonin.