The ex factor

Without doubt, we live today in a romantically liberal social environment. Even if both spouses had “pasts”, one may become uncomfortable with the other’s, more so if the ex continues to play a role in the person’s life, say as a friend or some such thing. Loss of exclusivity can also be difficult to deal with since there is a general feeling that the “loss of innocence” should be through a process of mutual exploration and joyful discovery, and the fact that one partner has jumped the gun, as it were, may be perceived as having violated the nascent bond of intimacy, even before it’s been forged. If dealing with the residues of a past relationship are hard enough, you can well imagine how much of misery is experienced when one discovers that one’s spouse was compelled into the marriage by the family, but continues to be in love with the ex? However, if we view marriage as a relationship, an exalted one doubtless, but in essence just a relationship between two consenting adults who resolve to engage in committed monogamy by building a loving, trusting, respectful and intimate bond, then we can easily appreciate that having had a relationship or two in the past is not such a big deal after all and that such past relationships need never cast shadows on the present or the future.